You wake to sirens. You wish you didn't wake. Not because you don't want to live though - But simply because of those sirens. You see, people have come to confuse this thing with not wanting to live ...when the real problem in fact, is that you simply want to live too damn much. We want it all. We want it now. We want it to be perfect, or not at all. We want to control every single detail, forgetting that control of our own lives is not something we have ever had the privilege of. As the day goes on, your heart rate increases rapidly. On the outside, you look calm and collected - on the inside you're running a million miles an hour. A marathon of sorts - Yet the finishing line is never quite in sight. Numb. Disconnected. Tired. Blinded by events that may never occur. But then there's always that little glimmer of hope ..the magic scene of the sun setting, the kindness of a smile from a stranger, a little bit of love .. And the fire is re-ignited all over again. She caught a glance of herself in a window. She looked older than her twenty-four years. Her hazel eyes held dark shadows under them, her sallow complexion was dull, her unkempt hair limp and lifeless, her full lips just a little less full.
A young girl with so much ahead had become the sad, washed up result of a series of unfortunate events, of broken promises and broken dreams ..How had she allowed it? Her heart had been damaged, her trust challenged so recurrently, that she concluded herself somewhat naive-deluded perhaps. The once shy girl had become overshadowed by a toughened exterior- the harder the was, the colder she was, the more she shut herself off from affection, the less likely she would get hurt. It was a masterplan that would fail miserably. As she rushed down the crowded street, her pace slowed down. After so long simply existing in an alter-ego of her real self, suddenly it was uncontrollable. A man stopped her” Are you ok??” ..she nodded and looked away as warm, salty tears streamed down her face. She needed to snap out of this and fast she thought to herself, but they continued to flow. Something had shattered inside her which hadn’t been broken before. Sitting on the side of the road, she saw a baby smile at her from the arms of his father. A little bit of love – it was funny how the heart clung to hope even when there was no reasonable basis for it ... Never let the fire burn out! Yasmin x
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